Three years ago, the mortgage industry imploded. Some blamed soft sub-prime lending rules. Some blamed Wall Street. Others blamed greedy loan officers who took advantage of unsuspecting victims. The truth is, I’m to blame! It’s entirely my fault. You may also blame me for global warming, the deterioration of the rain forest and the Colts losing the Super Bowl. And yes, in 1963, I was the one hiding in a grassy knoll in Dallas.

I can’t express the tremendous relief I feel finally getting that off my chest.

Since I’m coming clean, and my kids won’t be reading this, last night I ate the last ice cream cone in the freezer. I’m just the lowest-of-the-low, aren’t I?

It all began 20 years ago when I was working for a Global company selling products people really didn’t need. I was good at my job; however, it didn’t ruin people's lives. I longed for something destructive. When my brother approached me about getting into the mortgage business and helping first-time home buyers get saddled in debt, how could I refuse? Not only could I cause stress, divorce, and possibly a few minor felonies, but also I could profit handsomely!! What a country!!!

Then it all came crumbling down! No, not the mortgage industry.  My blemished reputation became challenged. I was attending a realtor gathering when I met a man of the cloth. (He was actually wearing polyester). When he inquired about my occupation, I leaned back and proudly claimed, “I’m in the mortgage business.” Waiting to be banished to hell, Mr. Polymers said, “Cool, you do God’s work!” At that moment I had one thought shoot through my head. Well, actually it wasn’t a thought, it was a tune. Hit it Charlie!!

The devil came down to Georgia looking for a soul to steal….. Fire on the mountain run boys run…..

“What?” I shouted. “Before you accuse me of being a choir boy, I suggest you do the math. Look at the economy…who do you think is to blame??”

And then it hit me! (Stop the music!). Perhaps I am doing God’s work. Come to think of it, I’ve never had anyone lose a home to foreclosure. Was that because of good luck or “God Luck?” Moreover, I was only three when JFK was shot and I’ve always said “paper” instead of “plastic.” Most importantly, Manning choked and threw an interception, not me.

Let me start over and rewrite this article. Who’s to blame for today’s mortgage mess? Well, let’s just say we will need an oversized bra to contain these boobs…Frank, Dodd, Schumer, & Reid. Case closed!!