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BRITAIN PROPOSES RETURN TO PRE-1845 BORDERS AS SOLUTION TO U.S. MEXICO BORDER ISSUE

LONDON, ENGLAND – The U.S. must return to the pre-1845 borders with Mexico said British Prime Minister David Cameron today. Cameron offered up the solution in order to resolve the issue of massive illegal migration from Mexico into the U.S. and to quell the rising tide of drug cartel violence close to the shared border between the two nations.

Cameron said the proposed return to the pre-1845 borders is the only viable solution that would solve a deadlock "that has grinded on and on and on."

"There must be no doubt that Great Britain welcomes change that advances self-determination and opportunity," Cameron said. "Yes, there will be perils that accompany this moment of promise. But after decades of accepting the world as it is in North America, we have a chance to pursue the world as it should be.”

The Prime Minister’s comments were made just one day before President Obama was scheduled to arrive in Ireland as part of a desperate attempt to woo Irish-American voters.

White House press secretary Jay Carney told reporters that Cameron’s actions are inexcusable.

“To propose something this radical just a day prior to President Obama’s visit to Great Britain is unconscionable. I can’t recall a scenario where one head of state has ever so purposefully embarrassed another head of state, particularly a staunch ally.”

The White House is now scrambling to change President Obama’s travel schedule in Ireland feeling that their previous plans to hang out in pubs and have the president talk up his Irish ancestry might now somehow seem contrived.

An Obama administration insider who spoke on the condition of anonymity indicated that President Obama might actually consider embracing some parts of Cameron’s proposal, however.

“This would actually be an acceptable solution to the President in the sense that we would finally be able to get rid of Texas and Arizona. However, the loss of critical voters in California would really suck.”

When asked about how the proposed return to 1845 borders would affect New Mexico and Nevada the spokesperson said, “I guess Harry Reid would be on his own to negotiate with Los Zetas and ‘New Mexico?’ come on is that even a real place?”

Cameron’s proposal would basically mean that California, New Mexico, Arizona, Nevada and all of what is now the western United States would revert to Mexican rule. However, prior to 1845 Texas was an independent republic.

“Cameron obviously didn’t think this thing out fully in terms of the Texas issue,” a White House spokesperson said. “We really don’t want to imagine a scenario where Texas would become an independent nation again. The idea of a President Rick Perry along a new U.S. border would be unacceptable. We would prefer a return to pre-1836 borders. Let Mexico have Texas.”

What would a California under Mexican rule look like? A wide-eyed and seemingly confused House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (Dem – CA) said, “I don’t speak Spanish. It’s already a problem for me in my state. I guess now it would be worse. However, drug cartels do need universal health care, too. Treating gunshot wounds can be terribly expensive and place a burden on the entire gang.”

A spokesperson for the Los Zetas Drug Cartel said, “This would certainly expedite our ability to get our drugs to our customers. Sure a few ranchers and home owners in the area formerly known as the United States will have to die. But hey you have to break some eggs to make huevos rancheros.”

He added that overall Los Zetas thought Cameron’s proposal was “Mui Bueno.”

Nancy Pelosi responded, “Seriously. I don’t speak Spanish.”

The above scenario is of course, absurd.

Unimaginable!

Yet this is basically what U.S. President Barack Obama did to Israel and to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu earlier this week just a day before Netanyahu arrived in the United States.

President Obama proposed trading away the future and security of our staunchest ally, the Jewish race and the only democracy in the Middle East in order to solve “a deadlock that has grinded on and on and on.”

As a people we must be genuinely and deeply concerned when our President proposes policy that is so absurd as to be simultaneously both comical and horrifying.

Oh well, Sláinte!
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Comments 54 comments for this article
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Added: July 24, 2011. 02:45 AM CST
i back up the Prime minister
what may be a suprise is that I am a californian. Mesxican rule....here....Americans will never allow it. And that is it, period. Nevada would also be Obama if he made this decision. I do think however, TX has to stay with us. Keep the border the same is it is today, just close it down and stop the freaking illegals
true american
Added: June 13, 2011. 02:35 PM CST
Tongue in Cheek
Everyone is having a lend of everyone here with this doosey.
Geoffrey in Sydney
Added: June 11, 2011. 04:00 PM CST
Well done! Bravo
Touche'
Added: June 09, 2011. 03:33 AM CST
shocked and chagrined
Many of these comments are truly disturbing. If they are in any way indicative of the general level of reading comprehension in the US, we are indeed in trouble. Go back to Dr. Seuss people, start at the beginning and work your way up since you clearly didn't get it right the first time.
kramer
Added: June 08, 2011. 11:30 PM CST
Our staunchest ally?
The Semitic people had lands, and had boarders that were defined before Jewish people were given an undefined state.
Judaism is a religion, and way of life, it is not a state or nationality.
The Jews who pushed the Semitic people from the area because of issues that occurred in Europe seem to believe that they can perform the same acts upon others that were committed against them some 70 years ago.
I'm sure that the Palestinians are a lot closer to the original occupants of the area of Israel than the Mexicans are of the people that may have roamed over the Southwest of America.
Nick
Added: June 08, 2011. 10:11 PM CST
1845 Borders
Hey if we can get rid of harry reed lets let them have it back and we'd get rid of nancy pissolosi too..
Leo
Added: June 03, 2011. 07:32 PM CST
Pathetic Americans II
First of all we can read what this is. Second of all a comment by a nation of United Kingdom did say this and pressed it onto our goverment. Thirdly i would like to say any United States President or congress does not have the power to give away american territory or land. Fourthly i would like to say if this did infact happen The president and all people involved in this would be dead within 24 hours. Infact their would be no United States. The Civil war would be 24 hours long and it would be a new country ran by the people for once.
Revolutionist
Added: June 03, 2011. 09:20 AM CST
Can't you read?
I can't believe the comments here. The writer is using "Farce" or "Satire" to make the point that what Obama did to Nethanyahu/Israel would be the equivalent to GB doing this to the U.S.

"The above scenario is of course, absurd.

"Unimaginable!

"Yet this is basically what U.S. President Barack Obama did to Israel and to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu earlier this week just a day before Netanyahu arrived in the United States."

Cameron never actually said any of this. Read what the writer says, he's making a point using "Farce"

Added: June 03, 2011. 09:10 AM CST
Pathetic Americans
Didn't you read. Pre 1845 borders. This was proposed meaning pretty much all western United States would be not in our control. Since in 1845 their was no washington or oregon or parts of brithish columbia it was oregon country. Saying this pretty much means the split of The United States in half. Texas would be its own nation. Canada would have to lose land. We would have to give back Alaska to Russia. and so on... This will never happen and if our government proposes this to happen. Then we will have our own killing feilds, but with the government in the ditches and the people stand over them with weapons and glory. Stupid government
Revolutionist.
Added: June 01, 2011. 12:07 AM CST
Again, you're not proposing any alternative basis for peace negotiations. All you're doing is asserting that God gave the whole of the land to Israel millennia ago. That's the statement of someone who puts his interpretation of his holy book ahead of people in that land being able to live in peace with one another. You would rather have war eternal, in a land conveniently distant from your own. How immensely selfish.
Zander
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