There are things in my life I love to remember. Like, when my dad kissed me good-night before he went to bed or my mom’s sweet smile and tender words of encouragement. Remembering can bring a smile to your face or it can bring tears to your eyes. Looking back can often takes you to the places when we have seen God's faithfulness.
On March 27, 2009 “Beyond the Choice” abortion recovery program held a memorial service. We offer this service to give women who have gone through the program the opportunity to openly acknowledge and grieve their children who were lost through abortion.
Preparing for this special event, it reminded me of the day I had finally accepted my abortion as my child. Gazing at the table, it reminded me of the day that he was called by his name, a day he became a person to the world. There in the center stood a large white candle, symbolizing Jesus Christ, and placed around it were smaller candles representing the children lost to abortion. Off to the right stood a tall glass vase were I had placed three long-stemmed red roses in memory of the children and as a reminder of God’s forgiveness through the blood of Jesus.
Soon everyone had arrived. They all took their seats and the room filled with the sound of small talk. I believe it was hiding the feelings that were stirring inside, feelings that would soon surface. I waited a few minutes to let everyone feel at ease before I walked over to light the candle in the center of the table. The room became silent. We opened in prayer. I thanked them for coming every week to the Bible study and for pressing through the hard stuff but most of all, for trusting God. I ended with this verse:
Psalm 34:5-6,8 (NLT)
5Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. 6In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened; he saved me from all my troubles. 8 Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!
It was now time for each of us who had lost a child to take the next step. I went first. As I placed the smaller candle to the flame of the larger one, my emotions came to the surface and I began to wonder. What kind of person would my child have been today? What might his voice have sounded like as he called me "mommy" for the first time or told me that he loved me? The feeling was bittersweet as I whispered his name…Christian Daniel. I walked back to my chair, sat down, and wiped the tears that were flowing from my eyes.
A few moments later, a young woman who never got to hold her child because of her “right to choose," walked over to the table. She reached down, picked up a small candle, and lit it in memory of her daughter…Lilly. After a few moments of silence, she read Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 telling us that these words gave her comfort after her abortion. Her eyes began to tear up as she spoke about how much this study had helped her. And how much she loved her little girl.
She thanked me for introducing her to Jesus and she said, “You’ll never know how much you helped me.” Then her friend, who had called the abortion clinic to make the appointment, went over to the table and lit a candle for Lilly, too. She said that she will always be grateful for the truth that was revealed to her through the study, and the forgiveness that she received through Jesus Christ.
These young ladies were once bound by the lies of Satan, but were set free in an instant by the grace of God. I watched as the tears of sorrow and shame become tears of joy. As we said our good-byes and as they walked away I knew they had... tasted the Lord and that He is good.
