Dear Dr. B,

I have done many terrible things to my friends and family. I cannot believe that I have been so stupid and selfish. I recently accepted Christ as my Lord, but I am still dealing with guilt. I want to try and restore my broken relationships, but I don’t know how to do it. Lately I’ve been thinking that I may be beyond forgiveness. Please help me.

Sincerely, Jayme 

Dear Jayme,

It is good that you have chosen to be responsible for your selfish behavior. Your desire to be a responsible person will pay you great dividends and will bring healing to those whom you have offended. It is going to take some time before you sort out some of your feelings, but trust God to help you. Let’s begin with your inner struggle with guilt. 

Saint Paul addressed this matter in his letter to the Christians in Rome. “For if you tell others with your own mouth that Jesus Christ is your Lord and believe in your own heart that God has raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is by believing in his heart that a man becomes right with God; and with his mouth he tells others of his faith, confirming his salvation" (Romans 10:9-10). Your desire to apologize to those people you have you hurt is a clear indication to me that you have accepted Christ as your Lord. But you may ask, “Then why do I still feel guilty?” Could it be that you simply haven’t forgiven yourself? I find that it is quite common for individuals to wrestle with guilt feelings after they have accepted Christ. Would you agree with me that sometimes we are harder on ourselves than others are? Jayme, there could be a variety of reasons why you are having a hard time forgiving yourself but don’t give up. The Bible will assist you to find clarification.  Saint Paul offered insight to Christians on how to deal with guilt. Take a look at how the Message Bible treats Romans 8:1-2, “Those who enter into Christ's being-here-for-us no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud.  A new power is in operation. The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death.” What Paul is addressing here is actually false quilt. When you confessed your sins to Christ and accepted Him as your Savior you were forgiven. The matter was settled. See I John 1:9. You must grab hold of thoughts running through your mind that are contradictory to Scripture and allow the Spirit of Christ to dispel them. Memorize

2 Corinthians 10:5. This is something that you must constantly do when contrary thoughts fill your mind. A wise Bible professor told his class once, “You can’t keep the birds from flying over your head, but you can stop them from building a nest there!’

Let us turn to your desire to restore your broken relationships. It is imperative that you follow biblical principles or teachings as you attempt to restore those broken relationships. The Bible gives you clear and precise guidance. I always emphasize biblical principles because, as a follower of Jesus Christ, you want to honor Christ during this process. It is very important for you to keep in mind that you have a new code of conduct, i.e., God’s moral law to follow. Think of it as God’s moral roadmap, which clearly shows you the loving and wise manner in which you should proceed. Who else knows the best way for us than our Creator? Once you purpose to follow God’s guidance then it is time to prepare your own heart.

You must choose to have a humble and contrite spirit before you say anything to anyone. The writer of Psalms 34:18 tells you why this is important. “The Lord is close to those whose hearts are breaking; he rescues those who are humbly sorry for their sins.” The Prophet Isaiah penned it in this manner, “I refresh the humble and give new courage to those with repentant hearts.” If you choose to humble your heart before you attempt to speak to those individuals whom you offended, God will be with you in the process. Why is this important? You have no guarantee how they will respond to your apology.   You must not retaliate If they are hostile. If you become angry with them, all of your efforts will be lost. You will gain God’s favor if you carry out your mission in humility and obedience. Your response to their reply is as important as everything you say to them. Give them time to think about forgiving you. It could take a long time before they are willing to do so. Once you have lovingly spoken to them, the rest is up to them.

My last bit of advice would be for you to seek Godly counsel. A mature pastor or professional Christian counselor will be able to walk you through the process. Remember you want to pursue your mission in God’s way and in God’s timing. Don’t start the process prematurely. Pray before you begin. Pray during the process and pray after you have completed the process. You are about to learn many wonderful life-principles, which you will treasure for the rest of your life. I know that God is proud of you!

My prayers and best wishes are with you.

Dr. B 

If you have a practical life question that you would like to ask Dr. B you may email him at: askdoctorb@ gmail.com.  You may write Dr. B. at: Ask Dr. B., 117 Granberry Street, Humble, Texas 77338. All questions become the property of Ask Dr. B and may not be reproduced without written permission. The identity of the person submitting a question for Dr. B. is protected. If this column has been an encouragement, email Dr. B your testimony. Disclaimer: Any action taken in light of this column is solely the responsibility of the reader and is not to be considered professional counsel or advice. For more additional columns see: www/buddyhicks.org.