In a few days, my mother will celebrate her 90th birthday. Because she has a number of health issues and is currently in a care facility, I've struggled with whether to have a party for her. Last weekend, relatives were in town for a funeral. They visited Mama and she thrived on the interaction. I got my answer. Despite Mama's health issues, we will have a party!
We all crave relationships, whether with a lifelong friend or a newfound one. For some personalities, relationships are as crucial to sustaining quality of life as air is to breathing. While you may be more of a loner, your parent may desperately need companionship and social interaction. And that parent may feel like a prisoner in his home, chained there because he is no longer able to drive, or feel sidelined in a care facility.
Our parents need encouragement, interaction with others, and refreshment. Their bodies may be wearing out, but the spark that makes their personalities unique is still aflame. Remember this, and do what you can to ensure your parent has some relational interaction aside from the family.
Here are some things to remember when planning a celebration:
Make it simple - Leave that antiqued etiquette book on the shelf and do what is easy for the circumstances. Forget the silver trays, elaborate food, and formal invitations. Pick up the phone, make a few calls, and have an unstructured event that includes simple refreshments and focuses on hugs, smiles, and conversation. Stress no gifts. That way your parent isn't faced with the task of writing thank you notes (and the job doesn't fall to you if your parent is unable).
Make it a surprise –Many times the underlying anxiety level of parents makes it wise to surprise. If my mother knew we were planning this party, she would somehow feel responsible for the planning and preparation. She'd agonize over what to wear, whether we had enough food, and if we'd invited certain people without offending others. Your parents may experience the same anxieties, or, like young children, may get so excited they almost work themselves into a tizzy by the date. So make the event as simple and spontaneous as possible.
Make it easy access– The location of your celebration needs to be easily accessible to those with mobility issues. If you are transporting your parent, realize travel time and exertion getting into the facility expend energy, so pick a location that doesn't exhaust your parent, and her peers, before the event even begins.
Make the guest list about your parent- Invite people your parent enjoys, even if they aren't your favorite folks. Spend a little time brainstorming to come up with a list that affords your parent the opportunity to see those she hasn't seen in a while. Include relatives, friends, and business or civic group connections. Most likely, roughly a third of those you invite will actually show up.
Make pictures– Capture the celebration on film. Have someone else take photos or video so you can interact with guests and your parent and not spend time behind the camera. These pictures will become treasures in years to come.
Make memories – Life is fragile and we are often consumed by the urgency of everyday activities, but take time to celebrate and make memories now. Tomorrow, that loved one's earthly journey may suddenly end. Celebrate life now.
