Dear Dr. B,

Recently I attended the wedding of a co-worker’s daughter. As a devout Hindu I became deeply concerned in regards to some remarks made by the officiating minister. As I recall, he told the young couple that once they became husband and wife they were to separate from their parents and have nothing more to do with them. He seemed to base his comments on two Bible passages, which he read to them. As I stated, I was shocked and concerned because in my culture parents are accepted as an intricate part of their children’s lives, even after they marry. My question to you is, ‘Does the Bible really teach this or was he basing his statements on an American custom?’

Sincerely,

Sadar

Dear Sadar,

Based upon your comments, it is highly probable that the minister chose as his texts Genesis 2:24 and Matthew 19:5. With only slight variations, both of them pretty much say the same thing. In fact in Matthew 19:5, Jesus is actually quoting the Genesis 2:24 passage. He was answering a question that someone asked him having to do with the legality of divorce. Notice that both passages contain the words leaveand cling.Allow me to paraphrase, ‘For the purpose of marriage a man will leave his mother and father, cling to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ Perhaps you may have misunderstood the biblical meaning of the passages. When your rich cultural heritage is added into the mix, it is somewhat understandable why you would have concerns. The conclusions that you drew concerning the passages, as well as the minister’s comments, appear to be a misunderstanding. I’m no expert in Indian culture; but as far as this specific incident is concerned, I don’t see any cultural conflicts. Let me explain.

A close examination would show several similarities in both Indian and Christian cultures concerning the role that parents play in the lives of their newly wed children. Both cultures understand that parental involvement is both important and welcomed. One of the differences, however, would be the manner in which each culture would attempt to achieve that goal. For instance, I read a recent article which stated that 80% of all Indian newly weds live in the same house with one set of their parents. The article continued to list the many advantages of this sort of arrangement. On the other hand, the majority of American newly weds wouldn’t choose this arrangement. Generally speaking, they would rather live together in their own house thereby establishing a new family unit. It should be noted that this practice isn’t an attempt to exclude their parents from their lives. Statistics show that the majority of American newly weds actively pursues a relationship with their parents. In either case, newly weds in both cultures see the value of nurturing a loving relationship with their parents. Sadar, what you may be struggling with is a difference in methodology rather than a difference in cultures. Now let’s look at the biblical understanding of the two passages that the minister chose.

The minister chose these particular passages because they reveal that God had created each of them for the purpose of being united as husband and wife. The passages also challenge the couple to love God and glorify Him in their new life together (Genesis 1:27-28). These passages also highlightthe unique fact that their matrimonial connection becomes more intimate and binding than the relationship that they once shared with their respective parents. In other words, the sacredness and profound intimacy of their new union, as husband and wife should be deemed more significant than their previous relationship with their parents. All of this could be gained by a study of the Hebrew and Greek words used in these passages. The words are pregnant with symbolism. They reveal a beautiful metaphor, which declares that nothing but death should ever separate them from each other. All of this emphasizesthat the Bible unequivocally teaches that parents are to be loved, respected, and treasured for their wisdom. Any newly wed couple would be wise to embrace these concepts as the foundation of their lives together. This was the heart of the minister’s homily.

Thank you, Sadar, for allowing me to share with you these thoughts. I offer my prayers to you and your family.

Respectively,

Dr. B

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