Dear Dr. B,

Recently, while going to lunch with a friend, our car was almost struck by another car. My friend shouted out, ‘Good grief! That guy needs to learn how to drive.’  After things calmed down, I jokingly asked him if he really thought that grief was good. We both laughed and began to share some of the disappointments that had occurred in our lives. We both concurred that there was ‘zero value’ in grief of any kind.  As a Christian, I have thought a lot about our discussion that day. It seems as if our conclusion might have had something missing.  Do you think that grief could ever be good? Would the Bible give me some insight on the subject?  

Sincerely,

Michael

Dear Michael,

Good grief.  You have asked some very intriguing questions!

Please know that I’m not minimizing your sincerity or the importance of your questions. I merely repeated the phrase in order to emphasize the fact that many people commonly use it without delving into thoughtful reflection as you have done. I find that most interesting. The Bible has a great deal to say about the subject of grief. It offers insight as to it’s universality, how to cope with it, and even some positive aspects not often recognized about it.

Early in the Genesis account of God’s creative acts we read of the second great universal tragedy. Unfortunately, Adam and Eve followed the same selfish choices of the rebellious angels. Adam and Eve choose to disobey God’s loving freedom and decided to ‘do it their way’, see Genesis 3ff.  Since that hurtful day men have chosen to ‘do it their way’ rather than to obey the loving, wise, and compassionate God.  Saint Paul the Apostle offered insight into the universality of grief in his letter to the church in Rome, Romans 3:23.  Shakespeare understood the universality of grief when he wrote,  “My grief lies all within, and these external manners of lament are merely shadows to the unseen grief that swells with silence in the tortured soul”. The Bible does not simply leave us with the mere recognition that we are all touched by sorrow, disappointment, or loss.  The good news is that God enters into our grief and gives us His grace to bear it because God is no stranger to grief.

By a careful reading of the Scriptures we discover that our sin and selfishness not only hurts others and ourselves but it breaks God’s heart as well, Genesis 6:6, 1 Samuel 15:11, Psalms 78:40, John 11:35. It has often been said that you can’t give away what you don’t have; and you can’t take someone where you’ve never been. Who besides God is more qualified to carry us through our sorrows and heartache, Isaiah 53?  Regardless of the disappointments that we may face, His love is forever with us, guiding us and assuring us that nothing can separate us from His love, Psalms 34:19, Romans 8:34. And what about grief being good?

The Bible tells us that in the midst of our darkest moments God will come to us and reveal secrets stored in His heart that we have never before known.  Character is both tested and tempered in the winepress of affliction.  So, don’t waste your sorrows.  A wise siege said, ‘For many, suffering affords them stepping stones to greatness while for others it becomes a stumbling block to defeat.’  History affirms that individuals whose lives were filled with extreme difficulties have made the world’s most astounding contributions.  As we work through our heartbreaks, our faith in God and his love for us should be strengthened not jettisoned.  Yes, there can be such a thing as ‘good grief’?

Sincerely yours,

Dr. B

If you have a practical life question that you would like to ask Dr. B. you may email him at: askdoctorb@ gmail.com. 

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