Real Marriage: The Truth about Sex, Friendship and Life Together, by Mark and Grace Driscoll, Thomas Nelson, 2012, 272 Pages, ISBN-13: 978-1400203833, $22.99

When Seattle pastor, Mark Driscoll and wife Grace of Mars Hill 7,000 member church, use “Sex” in their book title, the usage suggests a biblical context.

While they do use Scripture, in Real Marriage: The truth about Sex, Friendship and Life…the title doesn’t mention the “down-to-earth” sexuality that obscures elements of an otherwise excellent book.

The chapters on how to be your spouse’s best friend, Grace’s spiritual growth, submission, sin, servant leadership and men’s need to “grow-up” are insightful. However, the explicit sexual content eclipses these topics and led to heated debates across the blogosphere since the books January release:http://tinyurl.com/7den6fu

Three segments of eleven chapters about sex, marriage and a targeted marriage plan begin with the Driscoll’s sexual issues; premarital sex history, early marital years, Grace’s past sexual abuse and premarital infidelity. Where Mark writes, “Had I known…I would not have married her.”

That quote made me wonder how beneficial such honesty is and what part the words played in turning a rocky marriage around.

Their compelling story does portray common marital and sexual issues, from pornography, sexual dysfunction and frigidity, to selfishness and infidelity. However the broad sexual context overshadows other chapters that examine spousal friendship, how to fight fair, mutual respect and elements of repentance that lead to forgiveness and personal responsibility.

The “can we…” chapter, explicit and graphic, questions and scores the ethics of sexual activities such as marital cybersex, digital pornography, sexual toys, sodomy (pg. 188) and others. Sexuality is a gift from God and I wondered about the relationship to the gospel message.

Except for Grace’s chapters, four and seven, the books focus reflects a male perspective. I didn’t see Mark’s sexual needs balanced with a mutual concern for his wife’s needs or how her needs might differ from his.

Quotes from Driscoll’s blog: “My wife Grace and I have taken the biggest risk of our ministry life together and written what may be the most brutally honest, controversial, and – we pray by God’s grace – helpful marriage book on the market.”http://tinyurl.com/6we72fx

I’m not so sure.

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