Among the most startling books I've read on the topic of encouragement is Larry Crabb and Dan Allender's, "Encouragement: The Key to Caring." What separates this book from the pack is that Crabb and Allender go to the heart of what keeps us from being truly good encouragers--our failure to understand the deepest needs and sinful patterns of both ourselves and those we seek to encourage.

Understanding the origins and nature of these sinful patterns requires us to take a fresh look at a familiar passage, Genesis 3:6-10, as our ancestors Adam and Eve prepare to make a fateful choice:

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?"  He answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid."

After disobeying God by eating the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, Adam is hiding from God. When God seeks him out, Adam explains his actions: I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself. This simple statement reveals much about Adam's condition, and ours as well:

1. I was afraid:  Adam's core emotion was fear.
2. because I was naked:  His core motivation was shame.
3. so I hid myself:  His core strategy was to hide.

From this simple statement we can draw much, because Adam is our father--when he fell, we fell with him. Adam's fear is ultimately our own. We fear that we are dying; that we are less than we pretend; that we will fail; that if people really knew us they would reject us; and that ultimately, God will reject us because we are not worthy of acceptance. Down deep, fear permeates our inner core. We are afraid, because we are naked.

Of course, Adam's nakedness was not a problem until he sinned.  Genesis 2:25 makes this clear:  The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. And God's response to Adam is startling: Who told you that you were naked? Adam had no reason for fear until he rebelled. Now suddenly, he stood shockingly exposed before God, as he stood covered in sin.

In the same way, we fear to really confront what is deep within us, because to do so would force us to confess our fundamental flaws: What a wretched man I am!  What, therefore, if others really knew us? We dare not find out--we are ashamed, and so we hide ourselves.

Each of us hides behind different cloaks (or "layers", as the authors term them).  No two cloaks are exactly alike, and some are quite different indeed!  The man who is the life of the party is not necessarily hiding less than he who is quiet and reserved.  Each hides his true self in his own way. We all find strategies that work for us--some comfort zone in which we can operate. The problem is, these strategies only mask our core fear of being discovered for being less than we pretend.

The solution to our condition is the perfect love that drives out fear. God's unconditional love frees us from the bondage of our fear and gives us the confidence to reach out to encourage others. To the extent that we are open before Him (a lifelong process), and to the extent that He is our true hope and confidence--our streams of living water--we find ourselves able to encourage others. On the other hand, to the extent that we seek to satisfy our deepest needs for love, acceptance and significance in broken cisterns such as man's respect, career success, financial freedom, human intimacy, etc., we deal with our core problem with foolish, sinful, idolatrous strategies, and condemn ourselves to ineffective, self-serving "ministry".

Crabb and Allender say that much of what we call encouragement is mere "surface community"--a layer-to-layer kabuki dance with little real life-changing interaction.  True encouragement involves one heart of love speaking directly to another heart of fear in order to minister deeply. This involves time, patience, commitment, caring ... but before any of this it requires the encourager to have confidence before God.

To the extent that I remain fearful, hiding behind self-protective layers, I cannot possibly encourage other fearful, self-protective souls in any deeply meaningful way.  It is when I abandon my commitment to self-protection and entrust my deepest needs to God that I am truly free to encourage in a way that honors God and changes lives.