I’ll do the best I can to remember the details of this story accurately, but it took place over thirty years ago.  I was just a kid back then, and had gotten this kitten which I named Bandit.  He was long haired with grey and white patches, and his tail was all bushy-like with a white puffy tip on the end. He was so cute.

Now Bandit started getting a mite strange as he began to grow up.  We took him to live down at the riding stables once he was about two months old. I did this for my protection. You see, Bandit had decided that he liked to stalk me at night.  I would wake up feeling uneasy, then see the glow of his eyes from the night light. He’d be crouched down, waiting to attack me the moment he knew I was awake.  He’d always pounce on my head, dig in with all four feet and then bite me right on top the head.  After he attacked he’d jump to the end of the bed and lick his paws.  I’m sure you can understand why he was deported.
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My grandpa was quite a character.  Growing up I heard so many grand tales about him that he became like a hero to me.  

He and grandma raised a family of five children during the depression years on the farm where I live today.  There were many times the only meat they would have was what grandpa could get hunting or fishing.  This month’s story is about a very eventful fishing trip my grandpa would tell us grandkids when we were little.  I will do my best to recollect the details.

It was during a time when the Mississippi River had flooded.  Once the waters had started to recede it often left a lot of big fish stranded in the backwaters along the river.  Grandpa and a buddy of his decided to go hoggin’ for fish. Hoggin’ is a term used to describe when folks would go out along these backwaters, reaching down to the bottom of these shallow pools feeling for fish.  When they found one they‘d grab hold and throw it on the ba...

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I found out firsthand why blazing new trails in the woods during the fall is a bad idea. The following story explains why I know this is fact. 

I guess it was nearly twenty years ago when this knowledge made itself known. It was a beautiful fall day. We (meaning my sister, niece, son, and I) decided to saddle up and go for a trail ride back in the woods located on our farm. Sunlight filtered through the leaves that were already starting to show the brilliant colors of fall. The temperature was perfect for a fun trail ride and we were having a great time.

We joked and laughed at each other as we meandered through the thick woods making our way toward the hay field. The horses really seemed to enjoy this relaxing ride too. Their ears were alert and eyes shone with just a hint of mischief as we all played. Yes, it was a grand time for all.

Our first sign of impending trouble was the loud buzzing from the yellow-jacket nest we had inadvertently stumbled upon. T...

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Part 9
What do I do on a bad Day?

I am not going to pretend for a second that I haven’t had difficulty with this transition.  I still have days when I struggle to hold on to this victory.  However, the possessions that usually mean the most to us are those we had to fight the hardest to obtain.  The point being made is this: Yes, you will have to fight to continue in this victory, but it will be worth it.  The only exception would be if God gives you a miraculous deliverance, which is quite possible, but not the path that God chose for me.

Personally, my deliverance has come through fighting the fight of faith, by believing what God says is true. Then I held on to that truth with all my might.  Don’t be surprised when you come against opposition.  Just dig in your heels and hold your ground.  The Bible says: “….. having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins gird about with truth, …” (Eph...

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 Part 7
A Curious Side Effect

Several months into my journey, I noticed that I had a lot of unresolved anger lingering. I seemed to be overly sensitive and ready to argue over the smallest things.  It left me irritable, easily offended, and ready to fight.  I guess you could say I was down right cagey. I didn’t know what was going on, but I knew it needed to be dealt with.  

I am ashamed to admit that it took me a few weeks to realize I had a problem that wasn’t going to go away on its own.  I couldn’t stand myself, and I am sure it was difficult for others to tolerate me as well.

One morning as I was lying in bed, I prayed.  I asked God to open my eyes and show me what my problem was.  As I lay there pouring my heart out to Him, my understanding opened up.  Very simply God asked this question, “Once your self hatred was revealed, what do you think happened to all that anger and rage you ...

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A Few Thoughts To Ponder

My perception of myself was worlds away from the truth.  I didn’t even realize how I truly felt.  No wonder I could never quite figure out why I always felt so awful inside.  I was tempted to feel extremely stupid for not figuring this out sooner. Then, God reminded me of the verse that says: “The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked; who can know it?” -Jeremiah 17:9 KJV. I realized that without Spiritual guidance from God we are all prone to being deceived. The verse in Jeremiah says it perfectly: “…..who can know it?”. We are all masters at deceiving ourselves.  I doubt if any of us has the capability to know our own hearts, unless God reveals it to us.

Another good question to ask ourselves is, “How well do we really know each other?”  Since God set me free from this bondage, I have shared this testimony with a few close friends. So far, the overwhelming response from them has been one ...

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What About The Changes?

My attitudes toward eating changed when my attitude toward myself changed. I didn’t get the anxiety that often prompted me to snack mindlessly. When I ate I was satisfied with normal portions, and simply stopped eating when I was full. I didn’t crave high sugar and high fat foods any longer, and they made me sick if I did eat them. I began to crave foods like fresh fruit, whole grain breads, cereals, and low fat meats.

Personal appearance was another area in which my attitudes changed. Before, my normal attire each day was to wear old sloppy t-shirts with leggings, yoga pants, or old jeans. I didn’t wear makeup except when going to church. I seldom took time to fix my hair, and usually put it in a barrette or pony tail to get it out of my face. Don’t misunderstand me, I kept myself clean. I just wasn’t worried about whether I looked nice or not.

Now days, I take the time to attend to my appearance. I still do...

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God’s Love and Our Purpose

I don’t know if it is possible to fully understand the depth of God’s love for us. I do know that it is only when I first started trying to love myself, that I began to get a glimpse. Honestly, I don’t know that we will ever fully comprehend that love until we pass into the realm of heaven. How deep our understanding becomes while in this world will be entirely up to us. It depends on how deeply we decide to get to know Christ.

When I talk about loving myself, I don’t mean in a selfish and self-centered way. I’m talking about the type of love that motivates you to take care of yourself emotionally, spiritually, and physically. A love that lets us see that we are worthy and precious in the eyes of Jesus. Love that lets us see we have value, and that He has given us gifts to be...

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Facing the Lie

When we decide to face this lie, it starts a process of healing. It is important to remember that you didn’t get where you are overnight. Healing will start with revelation, and it may take time to get through the process. In my case, I had spent the better part of my life developing this deep rooted hatred for myself. Now God is helping me to face the lies I believed, and I’m being transformed day by day. I often think about II Corinthians 3:18( KJV); But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord. I love this verse, because I see “from glory to glory” being how we change from victory to victory in Christ. It is certain that I did not get to this level of self-hatred in one day. I made that journey ...

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Part 2
How Long Ago Did It Start?

I don’t know exactly when I started to have such a poor opinion of myself. I do know it started in childhood. As far back as memory can take me, I can always remember feeling this way. The things I thought and said about myself were always damaging.

Here are a few examples:

“Can‘t you do anything right?”,
“Nobody likes you.”
“You are so stupid.”
“Someone who was smart would have been able to do that without screwing it up.”

Then, when I got older I added more destructive phrases such as: 

“You’re just a colossal waste of space.”
“Your family would be better off if you had never been born.”
“Your husband and kids deserve a lot better than being stuck with such a poor excuse of a mother and wife.”

and one of the most vicious: 

“Why don’t you just do everyone a favor and die?”

I c...

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