For many years, I've been thankful for my mother's sharp mind. But following a fall the night before her 90th birthday, she entered a foreign land of befuddlement. She is cognizant enough to realize she is struggling, but when I look in her eyes, the spark is gone.

Walking through this phase of the caregiving process with her is probably the hardest thing I've ever done. Many days, I am someone else to her, or she scolds me for "siding" with the nursing staff. Some days she is so restless she begs to go somewhere. Anywhere. So I roll her wheelchair up and down the hall of the "memory" unit.

Occasionally, God blesses me with a little glimpse of the familiar personality—a witty quip or a momentary smile. But most days, I sit in the car in the parking lot before going into the care facility and pray, and when I return to the car to cry before I make an attempt to transition back into the real world for the rest of the day.

Here are some things I'm learning in t...

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Cognitive decline and memory loss are the biggest fear factor for seniors and their caregivers. Frustrations, miscommunications, and strained emotions further cloud an issue characterized by mental haze.

Determining if “senior moments” are consistent enough to affect quality of life and whether something should be done requires communication. It may be failure to pay attention that first raises concern and prompts the need for discussion.

Sometimes seniors become so accustomed to others planning their days that they don’t take much time to focus on the details. A senior may ask a question and then not pay attention to or not retain the answer. Determining the difference is important. Talking about cognitive decline can bring to light what kind of intervention works. It may seem that just encouraging a parent to pay more attention to conversations would fix the problem, but often it helps to check what the senior actually heard by asking, “What did you hear me say?”...

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Sometimes, when you are in the throes of caring for an aging parent, your mind doesn't go beyond everyday necessities, like whether you have enough Depends on hand. But take time to attend to business matters now while your parents are lucid and alive.Whatever your parents’ current health status, it’s never too soon to locate their important papers. Following is a checklist:

Bank accounts – Make sure you know all the banks and account numbers for your parents, including banks where they may have certificates of deposit. Security numbers, be aware that you will need to notify the Social Security Administration immediately upon a parent’s death. Checks or deposits received after death must be returned. Insurance policies—Your parents may have a number of life insurance policies, through employers or former employers, and privately purchased policies. Make sure you know the locations of the policies and have contact information for the companies. Your parents may also have c...

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Last week we moved my mother from assisted living to skilled care. The transition was seamless because she is in a facility that provides various levels of care, as needed. When selecting a care facility for your parent, a multi-level care facility that offers priority to those already in the system is crucial. Here are some other things to consider.

Medicare Confusion

Many people assume that Medicare covers all facility care for the elderly. This is not the case. If your parent is hospitalized for three days or more, not including time spent in the ER or the day of discharge, Medicare covers rehabilitative services at a care facility for twenty days at 100 percent. After twenty days, Medicare pays 80 percent of the bed fee and supplemental insurance the other 20 percent up to day 100. If you chose to place your parent in a facility as a lifestyle change, and your parent had the foresight to purchase long-term care insurance, now is the time to utili...

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Freedom was an essential element in the formation of our country. And while liberty is still a hallmark, many people in America are in bondage to beliefs and actions that make them anything but free.

Here are some points to consider in attaining true freedom:

Trust

Many have been betrayed and hurt by someone in their lives they loved and trusted. Once trust is broken, it's difficult to piece it back together. Often bad experiences shape how we view God and have an impact on our willingness to trust him. We become slaves to our jobs or engage in behaviors we feel provide security. But the Bible tells us that without faith, without trust, it is impossible to please God.

Honor

Most of us honor someone or something more than we honor God. Our time and attention go toward people and things, and consequently, away from God. We're exhausted and unhappy from all the striving and can't figure out why we feel defeated. True freedom comes in honoring God first.<...

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"When will this misery be over?"

My mother uttered these words on a day when the aches and pains of old age were especially intense. Mentally I knew the answer,but I said, "I'm sorry you're uncomfortable."

As I prepared to go, my mother said, "Don't leave me," so I sat and waited until she nodded off before exiting the room. Alone in my car, the tears slid down my face, and I realized that even though my mother is still alive, I'm already grieving her death.

Caregiver grief is a complicated puzzle of sorrow, guilt, and longing for the day when you can move forward with your life, no longer bound in a state of limbo to the next health crisis or cognitive issue.

Caregiver grief differs from the grief of someone who has had a sudden loss in that the caregiving process involves anticipatory grief. A caregiver watches her loved one lose abilities and vital life functions. When Dad can no longer walk unaided, grieving occurs for the little girl w...

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My father was a builder, so I grew up watching houses under construction. I learned several things in the process: a sturdy house requires a firm foundation, the “footprint” of a house can be deceptive (during early construction the house looks smaller than it really is), and it takes time to achieve the finished product.

Constructing a solid reputation by the example you set is somewhat like building a house. At first glance, it may appear that little things—actions and words—don’t matter, but they do. If you don’t take time to anchor deep through Bible study and prayer, your foundational support is shaky. And like bricks and mortar, it takes years of godly living—one action and word on top of another—to produce a Christ-like example.

Somebody’s Watching You

Often, we have the mistaken idea that we’re invisible to most of the people around us. But folks are more observant than we imagine, especially if our actions don’t mir...

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Caregiving is not a journey most of us choose. Often, we take the initial steps on the caregiving path thinking it's only a walk to the mailbox or a casual stroll around the lake. Soon we've walked mile after mile. Our starting point is so far behind us we can't see it anymore, and our destination is clouded by hills and valleys, bends and turns in the caregiver road. I've learned ten things (at least) on my journey. Perhaps they will benefit you as well.

Nurture yourself.

When serving as a caregiver, your own spiritual and physical health are often neglected. It's easy to justify not having a quiet time or attending worship when so much of your time is occupied with caring for someone else. But we need spiritual refreshment to get through the difficult times. Disconnecting spiritually is like depriving our thirsty souls of a life-giving drink from a crystal spring. Physical health is also often put on the back burner. We delay routine checkups and ...

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In the last two years, my mother has had numerous surgeries and been in four rehabilitation facilities for physical therapy. Between hospital and facility stays, I've taken care of her either at our house or hers. But following her most recent surgery and care facility rehabilitation program, my husband and I made the decision to move her to the facility's assisted living area. Our decision was based on several factors: complicated, fluctuating medication management for chronic conditions and physical frailty. We've reached the point where home care isn't the best care. We realize that and so does Mama.

In general, the level or amount of care provided by a primary caregiver increases along with the age of one’s parents. Some periods may offer a bit more reprieve than others, but as aging continues, the challenges increase, so be prepared.

Perhaps your parents have been living independently in your hometown and doing just fine. Maybe a health scare or temporary condi...

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In a few days, my mother will celebrate her 90th birthday. Because she has a number of health issues and is currently in a care facility, I've struggled with whether to have a party for her. Last weekend, relatives were in town for a funeral. They visited Mama and she thrived on the interaction. I got my answer. Despite Mama's health issues, we will have a party!

We all crave relationships, whether with a lifelong friend or a newfound one. For some personalities, relationships are as crucial to sustaining quality of life as air is to breathing. While you may be more of a loner, your parent may desperately need companionship and social interaction. And that parent may feel like a prisoner in his home, chained there because he is no longer able to drive, or feel sidelined in a care facility.

Our parents need encouragement, interaction with others, and refreshment. Their bodies may be wearing out, but the spark that makes their personalities unique is still aflame. Reme...

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